Homeward Bound: The Incredibly Long Journey With a Hedgehog, a Puppet Giraffe, and a Famous Frog – Part III – Texas Touring Turns to a Tiresome Trip


Previously: Part II – The Long Louisiana Slog

Texas Touring Turns to a Troubling and Tiresome Travail

We left the behind the sad disappointment of the Louisiana Visitor’s Center and decided to try something we’d never done before – to visit the Texas Visitor’s Center.  So we did.

On arriving they had this helpful warning:

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In case you are wondering, that is Kermit in a “holding arm up to shade eyes while scanning for snakes” pose, rather than Kermit in a “holding arm up in alarm upon learning that the Visitor’s Center actually just prominently warned us about snake risk” pose, though if you’d like to imaging it’s the latter, then feel free.  We try to be accomodating.

On arriving we also found the (now expected) disappointment of institutionalized pet prejudice.  Sorrow welled up in the hearts of us all, but Princess Sophie borrowed a page from the book of Fancy.

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Disclaimer: Please note that Princess Sophie did not smoke.  Please also not that Princess Pricklepants didn’t smoke, nor did Fancy or anyone else in our entourage.

While we don’t have photographic evidence to prove it, this Visitor’s Center was also closed, so we weren’t able to learn about Texas and the interesting and varied things within its gigantic borders.  There was a really neat looking boardwalk over a swampy area that we (for limited versions of “we” that do not include Ryan) were interested in checking out.  I think maybe it was only a couple people who were interested in the swamp.  Perhaps just me.  Still, it looked like a great learning opportunity for the hedgehog.  Yet it was not to be.

Suffering that bitter disappointment, I looked around hopefully for snakes.  None were found.  But there was a separate pet rest area.

Separate but equal being unequal, Fancy staged a sit-in as a protest, but wasn’t able to sit.

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Princess joined in.

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Kermit joined as well.

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They got tired and decided to have a rest on the sign along with a small rock.

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Fancy joined in.

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The center also had a very large star that everyone stood near.  The hugeness reflecting that the state is remarkably large.  Here is the star from afar.

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Here is the star quite near with Max expressing fear.

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There also was a Texas shape cut out, in case your location was in doubt.

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Disclaimer: Kermit was not in any way attempting to infringe on the intellectual property of the “Hang In There” kitten poster.

With some free time, Fancy spent more time in rehearsal for Annoying Private Ryan:

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This was a really good rehearsal.

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We arrived at the Visitor’s Center around 3:00 and left about fifteen minutes later.

Then we drove, and drove, and drove.

Reaching the border of Texas can give you a brief illusory sense of being close to being home.  This sense of hope will gently fade over the many, many hours of driving from the border to Austin.

Around 7 we went for dinner at Chuy’s.  Kermit and the Art Models were excited to find the Elvis shrine.

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The Art Models were happy to finally get a photo in.  They felt neglected this trip.

On the other hand, the kids were a little tired of the camera.

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Th Annoying Private Ryan rehearsal went over poorly, even with the amazing setting.

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Sadly Private Ryan was very tired of helping in rehearsing, and confiscated the camera.  This was the final image captured.

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Fancy was still pleased.  Around 9:30 we finally made it to the outskirts of Austin a bit annoyed at how big Texas is.  And so our incredibly long journey with a hedgehog, a puppet giraffe, and a famous frog drew to a close.

The Perils of Pet Prejudice Part 3 – The Princess Strikes Back!


Previously Part 1, Part 2.

Now begins part 3 of our travelogue, heading on the final stretch, over the river and through the woods to Grandmothers’s house.  It was a long drive, so Fancy made good use of the time rehearsing for his role in Annoying Private Ryan:

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Still nailing it!

Alabama has a welcome center too, we are sensing a pattern.  The first thing we find is a phone booth, a strange relic from the lost past of telephony. Maybe it is a time machine!  Princess attempted to communicate with it, but found it strangly unresponsive. Fancy tried to help, but also found it unresponsive. Princess wanted to change into a superhero costume in the phone booth, but we didn’t bring any superhero costumes with us, so Princess and Fancy just played in the booth for a while instead.

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Next to the booth was a large concrete monolith with an inspirational saying on it.    Fancy thought it must have been placed there by a fellow pet’s rights activist – the persecution of pet’s rights and the sinister signage of institutionalized pet prejudice is an injustice Fancy hopes to overcome some day.  He has a dream. Fancy is sure that concrete block is meant to inspire pets everywhere to fight the peculiar and perversely pernicious idea of defending the idea that it’s a “right” to keep pets from visiting visitor centers.  Fight the power, hedgehogs, you have nothing to lose but your leashes!

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Princess bristled at Marxist undertones of Fancy’s proclamations.  As a member of the aristocracy she feels torn. Fancy thought it best to change the topic, since it was a bit of a prickly subject.

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“Cousin Phil?”

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There were some lovely holly bushes, so we posed Princess in front of them and got this super lucky photo of Princess waving!  Whoah!

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Once again we met our old nemesis.  Rather than explaining with complicated words and sentences why this is bad, we didn’t.

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Princess and Fancy were both appalled.

Fancy can be quite the activist…

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Is this what happens when a puppet has nothing left to lose?  Pushed to the edge, will Fancy, once a mild-mannered and law abiding puppet, become a rule-breaker?

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Clearly.

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Fancy even turned to handing out brochures he wasn’t authorized to dispense!

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And engaged in doing whatever it is that’s happening here.

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The breakdown into anarchy continued.  Princess turned from her mild mannered rigid authoritarianism to anarchy to the point that *she went past the NO PETS ALLOWED sign*!  At this point things were careening off.  Princess even tried to climb into that little buttoned down spot on my collar that there was no way she’d ever fit into.

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But with family intervention and care she settled down a bit – note she still was rebelliously sticking out her tongue here.

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With more time cooler heads prevailed, and we persuaded Fancy and Princess of the value of the social contract,  and that we had a Grandma to get to.

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On the way out, we decided that there must be a politically connected brother with a sign making business, because seriously.

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And later that day we got to Grandma’s

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And Great Grandma Gracie even got to see Princess Pricklepants:

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THE END

The Perils of Pet Prejudice Part 2


Previously.

We made our way on the long drive from Louisiana to Mississippi, a state with constant and consistent consonant complications.

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Princess liked it since it had two Ps in the name.  Fancy had many opinions about Mississippi but nobody was interested in hearing them.  So he rehearsed for “Annoying Private Ryan”:

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Nailed it.

For various reasons Mississippi claims to be “The Birthplace of America’s Music,” which seems like a very grand claim.  We could have been pedantic quibblers, but hedgehogs don’t really promote pedantic quibbling so we tried to work with it:

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Once again we encountered the sinister signage of institutionalized pet prejudice.

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While we were taking photos of our hedgehog out front, various people noticed our hedgie, and we were showing her to them.  One of the workers at the visitor’s center noticed Princess and liked her, and wanted us to bring her in, though when he tried to get us in, security actually stopped us.  The Man Holding the Hedgehog Down. (Technically security was actually a lady, and she didn’t hold the hedgehog).  Here was the worker who liked Princess holding her:

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We sort of took our a stand for pet civil liberties, in a way, by taking pictures of our hedgehog near the sinister signage of institutionalized pet prejudice.

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Others kind of joined us, in a sense, by also taking pictures of our hedgehog near the sinister… the “No Pets” sign.

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Given the circumstances, we left Princess safely in the car and went inside the Mississippi Welcome Center with Fancy to take a stand.  Inside there was this painting of an American ship exploding, as if Mississippi wanted to say, “welcome, ships explode here sometimes, but not often.”

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Since the Visitor’s Center was under Pet Segregation, only Fancy was able to pose before the state seal, though he tried to appear hedgehog-like in solidarity.  Next time we plan to bring toothpicks to really show them.

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Fancy also met Miss. Mississippi, who he enjoyed meeting.  Luckily she wasn’t Mrs. Mississippi since that would have been far too difficult to say, and also Fancy might have been challenged to a duel.

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After talking to the nice people and forgetting to mention that they really shouldn’t be prejudiced against pets, we headed back to the car.  Princess was sleeping in her huffledome, so we let her be without further photographic documentation.

Next – The Perils of Pet Prejudice Part  3 – Alabama’s Revenge (and Land of Too Many Signs).