That’s all for now.
Princess Pricklepants was very excited. She had just gotten a brand new to her laptop off eBay that was only slightly used. It was a perfect purple plastic powerhouse for the Princess. She decided that with this new laptop she would sit in her apartment, write down all her really profound thoughts, and then post them on a blog. It would be magnificent. A hedgehog blog. Probably nobody had ever thought of this before.
She powered up the purple thing. It was a little slow. After a few minutes she finally got the internet booted.
Annoyingly the internet on this computer only had one website. No wordpress. No google. No AOL. No Yahoo! Just myspace.
And not even the new myspace, this internet had the old terrible version installed. And not even the whole myspace. Just one page by someone called Barbie Bakunin. A Barbie Anarchist Blogger.
“Whoever you vote for, the government wins. Let’s go shopping.”
This was more than a little frustrating. She did not want to read this, she wanted to log onto wordpress to write about the things hedgehog royalty think about. “No malls or credit cards – this implies the abdication of reason and justice; it is the most decisive negation of liberty, and necessarily ends in enslavement.” It was starting to get to her. “Freedom is disobedience. Let’s bake cookies.”
She thought. And brooded. And peed just a little on the floor and wall, though it will clean up hopefully.
More brooding. Staring into the void, the void stared back. Maybe the pee wouldn’t clean up. Hello darkness my old friend.
Angrily, Princess Pricklepants began to approve of violence as a means of fighting the oppression of Barbie blogs.
She tried to smash the system.
Then, on reflection, she realized that it was probably her ISP. She called technical support and after many hours she had reset the BIOS, reformatted, reinstalled, upgraded her RAM, set alternate DNS servers, installed a new JVM, ejected the cup holder, tried turning it off and back on again, and did some other things. It started working, though she had no idea why. (But it was probably DNS since there seemed to be no way it could be.)
Soon she would blog.
To be continued…
Now begins part 3 of our travelogue, heading on the final stretch, over the river and through the woods to Grandmothers’s house. It was a long drive, so Fancy made good use of the time rehearsing for his role in Annoying Private Ryan:
Still nailing it!
Alabama has a welcome center too, we are sensing a pattern. The first thing we find is a phone booth, a strange relic from the lost past of telephony. Maybe it is a time machine! Princess attempted to communicate with it, but found it strangly unresponsive. Fancy tried to help, but also found it unresponsive. Princess wanted to change into a superhero costume in the phone booth, but we didn’t bring any superhero costumes with us, so Princess and Fancy just played in the booth for a while instead.
Next to the booth was a large concrete monolith with an inspirational saying on it. Fancy thought it must have been placed there by a fellow pet’s rights activist – the persecution of pet’s rights and the sinister signage of institutionalized pet prejudice is an injustice Fancy hopes to overcome some day. He has a dream. Fancy is sure that concrete block is meant to inspire pets everywhere to fight the peculiar and perversely pernicious idea of defending the idea that it’s a “right” to keep pets from visiting visitor centers. Fight the power, hedgehogs, you have nothing to lose but your leashes!
Princess bristled at Marxist undertones of Fancy’s proclamations. As a member of the aristocracy she feels torn. Fancy thought it best to change the topic, since it was a bit of a prickly subject.
There were some lovely holly bushes, so we posed Princess in front of them and got this super lucky photo of Princess waving! Whoah!
Once again we met our old nemesis. Rather than explaining with complicated words and sentences why this is bad, we didn’t.
Princess and Fancy were both appalled.
Fancy can be quite the activist…
Is this what happens when a puppet has nothing left to lose? Pushed to the edge, will Fancy, once a mild-mannered and law abiding puppet, become a rule-breaker?
Fancy even turned to handing out brochures he wasn’t authorized to dispense!
And engaged in doing whatever it is that’s happening here.
The breakdown into anarchy continued. Princess turned from her mild mannered rigid authoritarianism to anarchy to the point that *she went past the NO PETS ALLOWED sign*! At this point things were careening off. Princess even tried to climb into that little buttoned down spot on my collar that there was no way she’d ever fit into.
But with family intervention and care she settled down a bit – note she still was rebelliously sticking out her tongue here.
With more time cooler heads prevailed, and we persuaded Fancy and Princess of the value of the social contract, and that we had a Grandma to get to.
On the way out, we decided that there must be a politically connected brother with a sign making business, because seriously.
And later that day we got to Grandma’s
And Great Grandma Gracie even got to see Princess Pricklepants: